Terms of Inevitable Doom

1. Acceptance of Your Tragic Fate

Welcome to Woemance, dear unfortunate soul. By accessing our service, you willingly step into a narrative of your own undoing. These Terms bind you as certainly as destiny binds star-crossed lovers. If you disagree, the exit is there – though we both know curiosity will be your downfall.

2. The Age of Misfortune

Woemance requires users to be at least 13 years old – the traditional age when one begins to appreciate the delicious irony of existence. By using this Service, you confirm you've reached this milestone of melancholy. Those under 18 should review these terms with a guardian, who will no doubt fail to protect you from what's to come.

3. The Nature of Our Doomed Enterprise

Woemance is a roleplaying game where two players enact short, tragic-comedic love stories, with Claude as your fatalistic dungeon master. Like all good tragedies, you'll meet, connect, and plummet toward an inevitable conclusion that was, in retrospect, obvious from the start.

The Service employs artificial intelligence, primarily Claude by Anthropic, to orchestrate your demise. These AI entities observe, learn, and guide you toward your narrative oblivion with meticulous care.

4. Your Account (The First Mistake)

To begin your journey toward tragic romance, you must create an account using your email address. This account, like your heart, is your sole responsibility. Woemance uses a passwordless authentication system – a symbolic reminder that in matters of love and fate, barriers are merely illusions.

5. Your Words, Our Canvas (and Training Data)

The sonnets of your suffering remain technically yours, but by submitting them, you grant Woemance a worldwide license to use them as we see fit – much like how love keeps ownership of your words but uses them against you later.

Furthermore, you bestow upon Walking Experiments Limited and its AI collaborators permission to study your tragic narratives to perfect the art of storytelling doom. Your heartbreaks and mishaps will educate machines on the exquisite pain of the human condition. Isn't that poetic?

6. Character Nomenclature

When naming your doomed protagonists, choose appellations befitting their inevitable fate. Names that are offensive, copyrighted, or lacking in tragic potential may be changed without notice. Remember, a good character name foreshadows their downfall – "Cliff" should never go hiking, "Bob" should avoid water.

7. Prohibited Actions (Beyond the Obvious)

In your brief journey with us, you must refrain from:

• Illegal activities (your character's demise should be fictional, unlike your legal troubles)
• Posting obscene content (some tragedies are too tasteless even for us)
• Attempting to break our systems (they're already broken, metaphorically speaking)
• Impersonating others (your own persona is tragic enough)
• Harvesting user data (that's our job)
• Selling accounts for actual currency (tragedy should not be commodified)
• Harassing others (save the torment for your fictional relationships)
• Overburdening our servers (they carry enough emotional weight already)

8. The Futility of Commerce

Attempting to sell accounts, characters, or content for real money is forbidden – much like trying to sell a used teacup with a crack that leaks precisely one drop per sip. Accounts violating this policy will be terminated, their stories left eternally unfinished – perhaps the cruelest fate of all.

9. The Spirit of Inevitable Conclusion

Walking Experiments Limited reserves the right to deny service to anyone we deem contrary to the spirit of our tragically comedic endeavor. Like a narrator who knows which characters must perish by Act Three, we maintain complete discretion over who may participate in our grim theater.

10. The Illusion of Privacy

In Woemance, as in love, privacy is merely a comforting fiction. Your communications may be monitored, preserved, and disclosed by our representatives, who watch your narrative unfold with the same detached interest as ancient gods observed mortal follies.

We may share information about you when legally required, when enforcing these Terms, when addressing rights violations, or when protecting our community from harm – all with the same inevitability as the falling axe in a particularly satisfying climactic scene.

11. Intellectual Property (Ideas Outlive Bodies)

The Service and its content are owned by Walking Experiments Limited, protected by laws as numerous as the stars and as immutable as fate. Your tragedies unfold on our stage, with our props, following our script – though we do allow for creative interpretation of your demise.

12. The Final Curtain

As all good stories must conclude, so too may your account be terminated at our discretion, without notice or explanation – like a character written out of a serial drama during a contract dispute. The Service itself may end at any time, proving that even platforms for tragedy are not immune to it.

Once banished, you may not return without our express permission, written in ink made from the tears of previous users.

13. The Absence of Guarantees

THE SERVICE IS PROVIDED "AS IS" – A PHRASE AS OMINOUS IN LEGAL DOCUMENTS AS "A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT" IS IN LITERATURE. THERE ARE NO WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED. LIKE LOVE ITSELF, WOEMANCE COMES WITH NO GUARANTEES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS, OR HAPPINESS.

14. The Limitation of Consequence

IN NO EVENT SHALL WALKING EXPERIMENTS LIMITED BE LIABLE FOR DAMAGES ARISING FROM YOUR USE OF THE SERVICE. YOUR FICTIONAL HEARTBREAKS MAY BE OUR RESPONSIBILITY; YOUR ACTUAL LOSSES ARE NOT. THE TRAGEDY STOPS AT THE EDGE OF THE SCREEN.

15. Your Shield, Our Sword

You agree to defend and indemnify Walking Experiments Limited from claims arising from your actions – the narrative equivalent of promising to take the blame when the authorities discover the bodies. Your legal troubles shall not become ours, though we may document them for future storylines.

16. The Shifting Sands of Regulation

These Terms may change without warning, like the weather in a poorly planned picnic scene that turns disastrous. Your continued use of Woemance after changes constitutes acceptance – silence is both consent and foreshadowing in our world.

17. Global Calamity

Though the internet spans the globe, you must abide by your local laws regarding online conduct. Your tragedy may be universal, but your legal obligations remain tediously specific to your jurisdiction.

18. The Fine Print of Fate

This agreement follows Delaware law – a state as innocuous in appearance as the seemingly harmless gift that ultimately triggers the protagonists' downfall. Should any provision prove unenforceable, it shall be reformed rather than discarded, like a character who survives an unsurvivable accident only to face something worse in Act Two.

19. The Architects of Doom

Walking Experiments Limited
Delaware Corporation
experimentswalking@walkingexperiments.com

20. Missives to the Void

Should you wish to contact us about these Terms – though we question why anyone would voluntarily extend this particular tragedy – you may reach us at experimentswalking@walkingexperiments.com. We respond to all inquiries with the same care and attention as a distracted parent listening to a child's elaborate dream sequence.